Every day a different drink. Not just how to make them, but a detailed review of how they actually taste, photos of the drinks, and stories along the way. Starting from the beginning, The Bartender's Black Book will be our guide, taking us

(and our livers) on a journey from which we may never recover. Cheers!

February 7, 2011

#38: Alice in Wonderland (aka Dallas Alice)

3/4 oz Tequila
3/4 oz Orange Liquer
3/4 oz Coffee Liquer
In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine ingredients, shake, and strain into a shot glass

Years ago, I decided to get a vasectomy. Well, we decided. Enough kids, not getting any younger, all that. The doctor is older, very matter of fact, asks a few questions, doesn't respond to my lame jokes. Says he's done over 5000 of these, should be no problem.

Somehow I never thought about that until now, but since he seemed like he was early 50s, conservatively that means he had probably had his own practicing for 20 years. Figure working only weekdays, holidays off, maybe 250 days a year of patient work. That's 5,000 working days. So he's been snipping a guy a day his whole career. I think I would prefer my routine to be my morning coffee.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later, I am laying there during the procedure, which I do not like one bit. One bit, I tell you! My wife is kind enough to stay in the room with me, holding my hand, being a good sport. I like to think it was for the moral support, but she claims she wanted to make sure I actually went through with it.

So after several minutes of teeth gnashing and hand clenching, just as I relax a bit and the pain seems to subside for a second, my wife wriggles her hand out from my grasp, to give her crushed knuckles a rest. She is worried about me, seeing how much discomfort I am in, so she tries her best to console me. She looks over the screen (she's tougher than me), turns back, looks me square in the eye, and tells me the doctor's "almost done".

Every eye in the room swivels to look at her. Me. The Doctor, the nurse. Not a sound for at least 5 long seconds. Finally, I say, my gaze never wavering from her confused look:

"Did you skip orientation? You know, he has to do both sides, right?"

Maybe that's why I drink.


Just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I had no idea what to expect. Damn, this had a bite! It was very, very sweet, but damn strong. It looked like liquid cinnamon, with some calm bubbles floating around, peacefully minding their own business. Next thing I knew, this had snuck up on me and turned everything upside down.

The flavors go together really well. The orange is the least prominent flavor, but creeping around the edges like the Cheshire Cat, and quickly the coffee and tequila get right to work on your mouth, exploding to the back, and then expanding in a big way. A technicolor flavor bomb if ever there was one. And my lips were sticky afterwards, although I'm not sure what that means.

I couldn't decide if I actually liked this drink or not, but it certainly was distinctive. It was definitely one of the oddest drinks I have made so far. Enjoy with a clear head. At least to start. After one, you're head won't be so clear.

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