Well, it seems that Google's Blogger is having a tough time showing everyone's comments on each post. And this is not the only blog with this issue. In fact, from what I can tell, this is a known issue at Google, and has been for many months, in fact over a year.
I know that Blogger is free and all, but it's just sad that Google has not been able to resolve this known issue for so long. Especially since they certainly seem to be able to keep all the comments active in their help forums, so obviously they how to make this work somewhere. In the meantime, I wanted all my loyal readers to know that I am getting email notification of your comments, but sometimes no comments will show up on the actual blog posts. It's really hit or miss.
Sorry about that. I will do more research into this and try and resolve it as quickly as I can. If I can't get it resolved soon, we may all be making a trip over to WordPress to get this running correctly again!
Cheers!
February 28, 2011
#59: Amore-ade
1/2 oz Triple Sec
Combine in a tall glass filled with ice.
Fill with soda water and stir.
I saw the other day that the Star Wars movies are going to be coming out on newly remastered Blu-Ray discs, so I thought I would post this plea for help from the Empire:
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A thin watery drink that does nothing. This was weak, with almost no alcohol. Not just flavor wise, but by content, since liquers generally tend to have very low alcohol content, under 40 proof, anyway.
The Amaretto flavor was the strongest, but so what. It was odd to have carbonated Amaretto (from the soda water), but other than that, this had nothing to distinguish it in any way. Boring.
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February 27, 2011
#58: Amigo (aka White Bull)
3/4 oz Coffee Liquer
Combine in a serving glass with ice. Fill with milk or cream, shake.
I went out to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant the other night, and found something interesting on the menu. Seems they do something funky back in the kitchen to the tostadas:
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I had some premium Jose Cuervo Añejo tequila leftover from a bottle given as a gift several years ago. I had a feeling that this was going to be a drink I would really like, so I broke out the good stuff.
Using the premium tequila definitely made this a strong, smooth drink. Some cheap rotgut would have diminished the overall experience. The Coffee Liquer mixed well with the tequla, and made this a top tier drink. There was a strong, smoky quality that went well with the other ingredients, and made this milk based drink damn near perfect. It was not too light, not to sweet, and had just the right amount of alcohol. Tasty as all get out.
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February 26, 2011
#57: American Snakebite
Add 1 or 2 oz Vodka
This reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Escape from New York, with Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken.
In 1988, the crime rate in the United States rises four hundred percent. The once great city of New York becomes the one maximum security prison for the entire country. A fifty-foot containment wall is erected along the New Jersey shoreline, across the Harlem River, and down along the Brooklyn shoreline. It completely surrounds Manhattan Island. All bridges and waterways are mined. The United States Police Force, like an army, is encamped around the island. There are no guards inside the prison, only prisoners and the worlds they have made. The rules are simple: once you go in, you don't come out.
Attention. You are now entering the Debarkation Area. No talking. No smoking. Follow the orange line to the Processing Area. The next scheduled departure to the prison is in two hours. You now have the option to terminate and be cremated on the premises. If you elect this option, notify the Duty Sergeant in your Processing Area.
"The survival of the human race, Plissken. Something you don't give a shit about."
"I heard you were dead.
I thought you'd be taller."
"You going to kill me, Snake?"
"Not now, I'm too tired.
[pause]
Maybe later."
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This is a real man's drink. Hot damn that's good! Beer, cider, vodka, what could go wrong?
What could go wrong is that this is so good that I know I will order more than 1 when I am out drinking. And this drink will seriously kick my ass. The beer and cider together were awesome, but adding in the vodka helped everything. I do mean everything.
The name of American Snakebite is very appropriate. This drink will sneak up on you. Tasty and fun, you're having a good time with these ingredients until you get ambushed. They sneak up on you and really do a number on your nervous system. Next thing you know, friends will be driving you to the nearest hospital.
Definitely one of my favorite drinks so far, even of all time.
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February 25, 2011
#56: American Sour
Juice of medium Lemon
Muddle/stir in a tall glass, then fill with ice. Add the following:
2 oz Bourbon
Dash of Triple Sec
Dash of Orange Juice
Shake, and garnish with orange and cherry
This seems like a drink a real man would order. A tough guy. A hard-boiled American. Someone with the independent, can-do spirit; a me-against-the-world type of roughneck who doesn't take no for answer. From men or women. A guy who would just as soon pop you in the snout as take any lip from the likes of you, my friend. No sirree, this kind of guy is going to sidle up to that bar and order a real American drink, something with a brown liquor, that's for sure.
What's that, a little bit of sugar at the bottom? Seriously? And really, barkeep, can we just skip the garnish? That's bringing the whole thing down. Cut! Cut! We'll have to do this scene from the top…
Muddling means to mash, or mix. A muddler is a a handle with a flat end used to mash, pinch, mix ingredients. They can be made from wood, plastic, or metal. Basically there are 3 ways to do this.
Muddle Hard: pulverize into a paste or into juice
Muddle/Pinch: muddle lightly with herbs
Muddle/Stir or Muddle/Mix: quickly stir starter ingredients before introduction of the rest of ingredients
This was not my favorite drink. It was a touch on the bitter side. One thing I did notice right away, and you may also when you compare my photo of the finished drink to the recipe, is that there was no way this could be made in a tall glass. Typically I think of a tall glass as a traditional Collins glass, and that is what I have been using for the tall glass drinks. But there's just not enough liquid in the recipe to justify the use of a tall glass. All of the liquid added together barely filled a standard low tumbler. Oh well, the Good Book is open ended, allowing you to use the glasses you want and the brands of liquor you want. Make this in a tall glass if that's what you like.
I felt that this needed a bit more sugar, as it does live up to its name: Sour. And all of the fruit flavors do not completely cover the taste of Bourbon, so if you don't like that, move along to something else. Seriously. Nothing to see hear if the brown liquors don't work for you.
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February 24, 2011
#55: American Graffiti
1/2 oz Dark Rum
1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1/2 oz Sloe Gin
Pour ingredients into a tall glass filled with ice, add a dash of sweetened lime juice, and fill with equal amounts sour mix and pineapple juice.
Shake, and garnish with lime.
Here's an interesting tidbit I dug up today. It looks like drinking can help you save weight!
Calories in Various Foods
Beer, 12 fl. oz. 145
Beer, light, 12 fl. oz. 100
Liquor, 100 proof, 1 fl. oz. 83
Liquor, 80 proof, 1 fl. oz. 65
Liquor, 86 proof, 1 fl. oz. 70
Liquor, 90 proof, 1 fl. oz. 74
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George Lucas and Harrison Ford need not apply here.
This is a nice looking drink, turning much more red than I imagined while looking at the ingredients. It smelled quite strongly of pineapple juice, which isn't so bad, but I was a bit wary as I have not had great luck with previous drinks containing it.
Flavor-wise, the sour mix and the pineapple juice blended perfectly though, and the different rums floated nicely in the background, while the Southern Comfort spiciness layered on top. Overall it was not too sweet, and surprisingly quite refreshing. Interestingly it did not have as much of an alcohol "bite" as I had imagined.
I would make this drink anytime, especially on hot summer evenings. I'm sure most of us would agree about this time of year that we could use some of those.
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February 23, 2011
#54: Ambush Coffee
1 oz Amaretto
Fill with hot black coffee, top with whipped cream and sprinkle with shaved almonds, then dribble 4-5 drops Green Creme de Menthe on top.
Let's talk about Irish Whiskey.
Key regulations defining Irish whiskey and its production were established by the Irish Whiskey Act of 1980 and are relatively simple (for example, in comparison with those for Scotch whisky or American whiskey). Here's the basics:
• Irish whiskey must be distilled and aged in the Republic of Ireland or in Northern Ireland. (duh)
• The contained spirits must be distilled to an alcohol by volume level of less than 94.8% from a yeast-fermented mash of cereal grains in such a way that the distillate has an aroma and flavor derived from the materials used. (glad it won't smell like something that's not in there! Guess that keeps the roadkill-mash crowd in Kentucky out of the running. There are SOME standards left)
• The product must be aged for at least three years in wooden casks. (I have underwear older than this, although I have no idea what that means)
• If the spirits comprise a blend of two or more such distillates, the product is referred to as a "Blended" Irish whiskey. (again, duh. although I see the point here. Spell out any numbering for the drinkers. Saves trouble later.)
So, follow those basic rules, and you get a pretty good tasting alcohol, I must say. Very different from what we call whiskey here in America. Smooth, sometimes smokey, more oaky than American (at least what I've had), and definitely strong on the taste. I can see why people get passionate about their whiskey. It just has a special something that most other liquors don't, a character that is all it's own, and every one is different, unique, and special in its own way. (good god, did I just write that?)
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On to the drink. This had a strong coffee flavor, with the Irish Whiskey providing an equally strong backdrop. The Amaretto did not make much of an appearance though. I couldn't really taste it, even though after I took the photo and stirred everything up to blend and get the full flavors.
As the whipped cream melted into the coffee, it mellowed the flavor substantially and made this into a nice after dinner drink. When you get to that point, you can taste the mint drops on top, which makes for a nice touch with the almonds.
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February 22, 2011
#53: Ambrosia
1/4 oz Triple Sec
Combine in a wine glass filled with ice, then fill with champagne
I missed an important milestone last week that I wanted to write about. February 13 was the 20th anniversary of the famous “pale blue dot” photo – Earth as seen from Voyager 1 while on the edge of our solar system (approximately 3,762,136,324 miles from home). Carl Sagan’s words at the time are always worth remembering:
Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every ‘superstar,’ every ‘supreme leader,’ every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.
The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.
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We finally get to break out the wine glass! Hmm, maybe my life isn't so exciting after all.
Basically this was Champagne with a touch of Brandy. The 1/4 oz of Triple Sec is pretty much the equivalent of a dash, and I couldn't taste it. I almost couldn't taste the Brandy either. This seemed like overly sweet Champagne. I did notice that as the carbonation of the champagne went down a bit, the flavor of the brandy came through more, and the drinker tasted much more interesting. Perhaps the bubbles interfered with my taste buds.
I'm not much of a Champagne drinker to begin with, so this was sort of ho-hum for me. I can't imagine a serious champagne drinker would do this to their champagne, I am certain a brandy aficcianado would have my head if I even mentioned making this drink for them. But, to each his own. Just don't ask me to stick up for you on this one.
The drink looks nice in a wine glass though.
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February 21, 2011
#52: Amber Martini
1/2 oz Amaretto
1/2 oz Hazelnut Liquer
Combine ingredients in a mixing glass filled with ice, stir, and strain into a chilled glass.
Oh, this burns all right. Seriously. Basically this is just some sweetened and colored vodka in a martini glass. It had great color, as you can see in the photo. The proportions are about right for a traditional martini as well, except the additional 1/2 oz of Hazelnut Liquer. I used regular vodka in this, not vanilla vodka. It may have limited the burn, and I imagine it would have blended with the Amaretto and Hazelnut quite nicely.
All that vodka made this a super strong drink. Seriously, that was a lot of vodka. I like a martini from time to time, and I especially like vodka, but for some reason this seemed excessive. I'm not really sure why. I would recommend trying this with Vanilla Vodka for a smoother drink.
Make sure to take small gulps of this. Sipping the vodka will burn the lips, while tiny open-mouth gulps are the way to go. Let the vodka play in your mouth, not burn the outside!
After a full day staring at a computer screen, shackled to a desk, working on what should be a holiday, I thought I should end the day with a sobering thought:
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February 20, 2011
#51: Amber Cloud
1/2 oz Galliano
Pour into a snifter glass, then microwave for 10 seconds.
Diane went on and on, her story interminable and endless. Her voice droned and abraded my ears, as my head bobbed forward towards sleep. I tried to steal a glance at the clock on the wall without her noticing. Going on 20 minutes now, while I had TPS-80 forms to fill out before the end of the day. Would it ever end? And then I heard: "So that's how my friend went from sexually confused Catholic school boy to gay bank robber wanted in three states."
This drink has got legs, as they say in wine circles. The liquid drips down the inside of a glass. Again I tested this cool before I heated it up, and my god, it was strong. I'm not much of a brandy drinker, so I had that going against me. The Galliano really packed a punch, but when this was heated up the flavors blended a bit more fully. 10 seconds as the recipe calls for was just the right time, and I would recommend that for the previous drink, the Amarist, as well.
The first sip burned the tongue (not from heat, but alcohol), then rose to the roof of the mouth and popped into the sinuses. Any congestion I may have had was quickly cleared up. There was definitely an aftertaste, the slight twang and bitterness of the Galliano mixing oddly with the Cognac. Cognac is traditionally very smooth, and this seemed to take away that smoothness.
I would say this was not one of my favorite drinks. It just seems like an odd combination, and sort of diluted the good aspects of a nice Cognac.
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February 19, 2011
#50: Amarist
1 oz Orange Liquer
Pour into a snifter glass, then microwave for 10-15 seconds.
Dude, what's that smell? No, seriously, what is that? Did you step in something? Back there, when we passed that dumpster. Check the bottom of your shoes, please. Just stop, and look. We can scrape it off. OK, I'll look. Lift your foot up and I'll look. C'mon, stop! That's it, I'm not walking with you anymore. Just go on ahead. I'll stay back here and breathe some clean air. Go on, don't even turn around, just head on back to the office. I'll catch up. Hey, why am I still smelling it? Damn, what is that? Rick, wait, look at this on my shoe…
Pure, undiluted alcohol. Nothing in the way. I took the photograph first, then microwaved the drink. I was a little concerned, never having had a microwaved alcoholic drink before. I carefully tested how warm the glass was before going in for a sip. And then the coughing started. The small mouth of the snifter glass focused the vapors and funneled them right into my face. With my mouth open for a sip, the vapors caused a bout of hacking that took a few seconds to get past. That did not bode well for actually tasting the Amarist.
It was super sweet. Orange, vanilla, and almonds. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less. I actually snuck a taste of this before I heated it up, and it definitely was better warmed. It brought a bit of a burn, especially going down. My whole chest felt the heat. St. Bernards should carry this instead of brandy for rescued skiers.
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February 18, 2011
#49: Amaretto Sour
Pour into a tall glass filled with ice, fill with sour mix, shake, and garnish with a cherry and orange.
Dave couldn't understand why his coworkers talked about him behind his back. He was always nice, always pleasant, ready to help out on any project. Kind words for all, supportive. Most of the time he barely noticed their smirks and stares, but right after the holidays it got worse. What had he done to deserve their spite, their social wrath? Did no one appreciate his coupons for free handshakes? The shoelace repair kit he gave for Secret Santa? The sign up sheet in the break room for subscriptions to the Thrifty Nickel? Perhaps the gift basket of assorted cough syrups or the pound of organic, locally-grown grass clippings were not seen for their thriftiness and value as gifts by his ungrateful coworkers. Maybe he should up the ante, pulling out that 8-disc collector's box set of classic AOL free trial CDs. That would bring them over to his side, make him some friends...
I don't know who thought to combine these ingredients. A mad mixologist? A cheap bartender using the leftovers from the well, looking to finish off the sour mix before his shift ends? Who knows. I just know that this drink actually made Sour Mix taste really good. There is the perfect amount of sweetness from the Amaretto to counter balance the tartness of the lemon in the Sour Mix.
It was very refreshing, just tart enough to taste like lemonade, and the small amount of alcohol allows you to keep drinking a few. This would be good for hot and humid evenings, watching the fireflies come out.
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February 17, 2011
#48: Altered State
1 oz Jagermeister
Combine in a tall glass filled with ice, then fill with an energy drink.
This one has everything: sex, violence, comedy, thrills, tenderness. It opens at fever pitch and then starts soaring—into genetic fantasy, into a precognitive dream of delirium and delight. Madness is its subject and substance, style and spirit. The drink changes tone, even form, with every new mood and mutation. It expands and contracts with your mind until both almost crack. It keeps threatening to go bonkers, then makes good on its threat, and still remains as lucid as an aerialist on a high wire. It moves with the loping energy of a crafty psychopath, or of a bartender gripped with the potential of blowing the drinker's mind out through his eyes and ears. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Altered State.*
A little over the top, but not by much. Thank god for Red Bull. Without it this drink would kick your ass faster than you could spell absinthe and jagermeister. As it is they both team up to deliver the promise of a true hurt on your behind. More than one of these and you will be bouncing off the walls like a monkey.
This is actually a pretty good drink, with the licorice and anise flavors mixing with the Red Bull quite nicely. It's just so damn strong, and honestly seems like an excuse to get seriously hammered really quickly. I think I need to lay down in a dark quiet room now.
*Actually a modified review for the movie Altered States from the early 80s.
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February 16, 2011
#47: Almond Mocha Coffee
1 oz Creme de Cacao
Fill with hot black coffee, top with whipped cream, and sprinkle with shaved almonds and/or shaved chocolate.
You were worried something would go wrong, but all your calculations had given you hope. After months of building, late nights spent in the workshop cutting, bending, and welding, days spent going over every calculation and rivet, you were confident it would work. It just had to.
No longer would you be limited to the standard, pedestrian, clockwise progression of time. You would be your own master, beholden to no clock or watch. You stepped into your timeogrifier and pulled the levers, tensing as the useless little lights you installed blinked away. You shut your eyes, felt a shudder, and opened them on a new world. A world where you would be able to have steak for breakfast and coffee in the evening. Your first test: an Almond Mocha Coffee at 8 pm. Tomorrow, who knows?
So, how do you drink shaved almonds? Let them rest on top of the whipped cream and you get a crunchy dessert at the end of this tasty drink. I must say, the streaks of whipped cream as it melted down the sides of the glass was very cool. Hopefully you can see the streaks in the photo.
This was less sweet than the previous drink, with the bitterness of the black coffee cutting into the sweetness of the amaretto and creme de cacao and blending pleasantly. Basically you get exactly what the name says, almond mocha coffee. Don't stir this, as you will lose the neat streaks down the sides, and the almonds will be lost to the depths.
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February 15, 2011
#46: Almond Kiss (aka Cocoetto)
Fill with hot chocolate, stir, top with whipped cream, then place chocolate kiss or shaved chocolate on top.
In honor of IBM's Watson computer playing two human opponents on Jeopardy tonight, I wanted to relay a dream I had last night.
Several people were all standing on the porch of a rundown home, waiting for an answer to our knock at the door. My wife, my brother, myself, and oddly, Alex Trebek. We were all dressed in suits or, in my wife's case, a skirt and blouse, but we looked like we had stepped out of the pages of a hard-boiled detective novel. I could sense that we were at this house looking for answers. To what, I don't know.
I knocked on the door, and after several seconds, someone answered. I never got a good look at who it was. All I heard was Alex Trebek saying, in a thick Irish brogue
"After I touched my gonads, everything became clear."
Luckily I woke up right then. Almost a full day later, and I still have no idea what that was all about.
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Strong and pungent, the smell of fame, money, and not caring. Wait, maybe it's almonds, vanilla, and chocolate. You think, Hey, did I spill something in here during that late night movie fest, chowing down on a tub of Ben & Jerrys? Guess not. It's just an Almond Kiss. You could call it a Cocoetto, but that's really pushing it.
Shaved chocolate is a tough thing to pull off correctly. Which I didn't. I was expecting long slices as I used my high-grade peeler, but I basically got small shavings. They still tasted good though. I could have put a chocolate kiss on top instead, but low grade milk chocolate like that tends to looks pretty splotchy when photographed up close, so I went the shaved route.
The almond of the Amaretto was very good with the hot chocolate, almost like it was made for just this kind of drink. It was nice and warm great as an after dinner drink, by the fire, on cold nights. Mix and match here. The Almond Kiss has a fairly low alcohol content, so you could have several.
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February 14, 2011
#45: Almond Joy
1/2 oz Dark Creme de Cacao
Combine in a tall glass filled with ice, fill with milk or cream, and shake.
When I was a kid, my family would troop over to the Minnesota State Fair every year. And every year they had a tradition of bringing in a tanker truck from one of the local dairies, filled with ice cold milk. They would erect a huge round tent over it, and rig up tap milk dispensers in a huge circle. For a quarter, you would get a little plastic cup, and could get it filled with the coldest, freshest milk you can imagine. The best part is that you could get back in line as many times as you wanted, all for that original 25 cents. Of course, my brother and I would see who could drink the most, practically to the point of making ourselves sick. And then the car ride home would be miserable, us in the back of the station wagon, squirming to use the bathroom, hoping we got home in time.
We went back as adults a few years ago, and the truck was still there. And I naturally had my fill of that ice cold milk. And suffered just as much on the ride home as I remembered. But it would have been nice to have been able to add a few ingredients to that milk, sort of like tonight's drink, now that I'm sort of grown up.
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This had a great coconut flavor. The milk was darkened just a touch by the Dark Creme de Cacao, which when poured, settled to the bottom pretty quickly. My advice: shake well. Otherwise you will end up with separated flavors and all the goo stuff at the bottom.
I was a little worried mixing an alcohol like rum with milk, just because in my mind it always bring up the image of curdling. But this was very goo. It was nice and light. The milk was sweetened by the different flavors, which made it quite tasty.
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February 13, 2011
#44: Almond Enjoy
1 oz Dark Creme de Cacao
1 oz Cream of Coconut
Combine in a serving glass filled with ice, fill with milk or cream, shake.
An alcohol-based liquid Almond Joy in a glass. Does it get any better? A tip to the wise: do not sniff nail polish before tasting this, or you really won't get the flavor of the coconut at all. That's what my wife was doing when she tried this, and she couldn't figure out why this was named an Almond Enjoy.
I couldn't remember which candy bar was which, the Mounds or the Almond Joy, so we had to sing the song from the commercial to remind ourselves.
I thought that the coconut flavor was almost too strong, in an already overly sweet drink. Tom Hanks in Castaway would have thought there was too much coconut to be honest. I don't think you would need dessert after dinner if you ordered this. In fact it is a good replacement for dessert (for those of us counting calories). Enjoy!
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February 12, 2011
#43: Almond Biscotti Martini
1/2 oz Amaretto
1/2 oz Coffee Liquer
1/2 oz Coffee
1/4 oz Milk
Combine ingredients into a mixing glass filled with ice, shake, strain into a chilled glass, and garnish with chocolate covered almonds.
I discovered a basic principle of physics today. Chocolate covered almonds do not float. No matter what you may think ahead of time, they sank to the bottom faster than my 401K last year. What to do? I know, grab a martini pick and try to stab one! Damn, almonds are harder than they look. Who made them rounded? And chocolate shatters pretty easily. A few careful attempts later, and you can see the result in the picture today.
From a quick visual pre-inspection, I thought that this drink would be thicker than it actually was. It was actually quite thin in body, but strong in flavor. Really strong in flavor. It seemed like a watered down creamy drink. Not sure if that is what people would expect, but I guess the word martini in the name doesn't imply a milkshake.
There was a slight bitter taste to this, but the second sip tasted a bit better. It needed to be shaken quite well, and I may have failed on that. As I sipped, the creamier it tasted, but the milk or cream still separated from the alcohol, giving this an odd balance. They didn't physically separate, but more on the flavor and textural side of things, leaving me a bit let down.
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February 11, 2011
#42: Alien Urine Sample
1/2 oz Banana Liquer
1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
1/2 Melon Liquer
In a tall glass filled with ice, combine ingredients, then fill with Sour Mix, leaving 1/2 inch at top of glass. Shake, splash with soda water, and top with 1/2 oz Blue Curacao.
When my kids were younger, I would drive them to school. The mornings were usually depressed, quiet affairs. No one wanted to be going where they were going: they had High School and I had a job. Some days it was like the Bataan Death March heading out. Eventually I got tired of the downer mornings, so I tried to make things more interesting. I would do anything to strike up a conversation. Odd topics, news events from the radio, interesting things we saw on the road. Anything.
Well, one day we got to talking about things that hadn't been invented yet, but should be. Things we need. Like an AIDS vaccine, or new energy sources. At least that's what I was talking about. After several minutes, I realized that both my son and daughter were deep in thought. After waiting several minutes for their ideas, I finally couldn't wait, and asked them what they were thinking of.
Daughter: "someone should invent a concrete-lined pond for backyards, so it wouldn't leak."
Son: "it would be cool if someone would invent a bike with a motor that was fast enough to go on the freeway."
Maybe that's why I drink.
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Do aliens have green or blue urine? How does anyone know? And why are they leaving samples at bars across America? It must be some sort of plot for world domination that we can't even begin to grasp.
This is a pale tasting drink. I guess aliens don't have really strong urine. They must eat a lot of melons though, as that seems to be the predominant flavor. I couldn't really taste the peach schnapps, but everything else came through. There was a hint of coconut in the smell, but not much for the tongue. The sweetness level was just right, and overall it was very refreshing. The blue swirls from the curacao were pretty cool to see, but by the time I got set up for a photo, everything was blended a bit.
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February 10, 2011
#41: Alien Secretion
3/4 oz Melon Liquer
3/4 oz Vodka
Combine ingredients in a tall glass filled with ice, fill with pineapple juice, shake, and garnish with a cherry.
I didn't know what to expect with this drink. First I get the juice, then the orgasm, now a secretion? Will it ooze? How scared should I be? Is HazMat standing by? The ingredients were hard to get my mind around, so I tried to squash any ideas about what it may taste like and just dove in.
It was nothing like what I feared, but also not like anything I looked forward too. What an odd combo. The coconut flavor is just along for the ride in the background, but the melon and pineapple go together fine. As I sipped, I thought about the name. Why "secretion"? What part of the drink? Then the cherry hit me on the nose. That explains that. No one ever needs an Alien Secretion hitting them on the nose. Take my word for it if you don't believe me. Or take your friends word for it. Just ask them "is it a good idea to have an alien secretion hit me in the nose?" I would wager that they say "no". But maybe that's just my friends. Yours may be from Florida, so all bets are off.
This was not a bad drink, but yesterday's drink the Alien Orgasm, was more complex flavored, and more refreshing. This one seemed like it lacked a punch, something to remember it by, something more than a crazy name. And it didn't deliver. Not that it should be named "Ned" or anything, but adding a cherry to a drink and giving it a funky name doesn't give you instant cool.
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February 9, 2011
#40: Alien Orgasm
3/4 oz Melon Liquer
3/4 oz Peach Schnapps
Combine ingredients in a tall glass filled with ice, then fill the rest with equal amounts orange and pineapple juice. Shake.
Oh great, now we get the money shot? Yesterday's drink scared me by name alone, but this one could actually lead to something drastic. Like having to head over to the Interplanetary Free Clinic afterwards. Once again, into the breach..
This actually had a great taste. There were lots of fruit flavors blending together, and the Amaretto was a nice touch. Just a hint in the background, not too much. It was quite refreshing. This easily was the best drink I have made so far that used pineapple juice that wasn't overly tart. It mixed in really well, and accented the flavors nicely. Plus, it didn't look like something that had leaked out of a toxic was dump.
Watch out for the kick on this one though. The alcohol content is pretty high, but the sweet juice flavors mask it, The next thing you know, you've married some guy named Skeeter and are cooking pigs feet for dinner.
This would be a great drink for brunches, as an alternative to Mimosas. I can really see it going well with an omelet. Any day event would benefit from an Alien Orgasm. Even Baby and Bridal showers, because you don't hear those words enough at those events.
Another milestone! I have finished page 2 of the drinks. Cheers!
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February 8, 2011
#39: Alien Love Juice
1 oz Blue Curacao
Pour ingredients into a serving glass filled with ice, then fill glass with orange energy drink.
Ah, yes. The much anticipated cocktail from outer space. Who names these things, drunk people? You never know what to expect from something with these 3 words in the name.
Alien: foreign, scary, either will burst out of my chest or steal my job
Love: not after a night of drinking, that's for sure
Juice: will it build bigger muscles, or just be sticky?
Once the orange energy drink and the blue curacao mixed, they gave off a nasty, off-world green color that only worms and Martians might find attractive. Trying to close my eyes and forget about what it looked like, I sipped the concoction, half expecting to either be calling 911 or a therapist soon.
Not bad. It was fairly sweet, with not much of a taste from the tequila. The orange energy drink gave it an odd taste that wasn't quite like orange juice, but didn't provide much fizz. I would have preferred more fizz, but since I really don't drink energy drinks very often, I had no way of knowing how abrogated this would be before I opened the can. Maybe if I was 19 I would have a broader knowledge of the merits between RockStar and Monster.
Overall this was a fairly mild drink. It does not have a lot of alcohol by volume, although you could easily make it stronger by reducing the energy drink, or doubling the alcohol. This is either a total frat party drink, or a club drink. I imagine it would look weird and cool under club lighting, but in the real world, under the harsh sun of a bleary morning after, this just doesn't look so good.
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February 7, 2011
#38: Alice in Wonderland (aka Dallas Alice)
3/4 oz Orange Liquer
3/4 oz Coffee Liquer
In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine ingredients, shake, and strain into a shot glass
Years ago, I decided to get a vasectomy. Well, we decided. Enough kids, not getting any younger, all that. The doctor is older, very matter of fact, asks a few questions, doesn't respond to my lame jokes. Says he's done over 5000 of these, should be no problem.
Somehow I never thought about that until now, but since he seemed like he was early 50s, conservatively that means he had probably had his own practicing for 20 years. Figure working only weekdays, holidays off, maybe 250 days a year of patient work. That's 5,000 working days. So he's been snipping a guy a day his whole career. I think I would prefer my routine to be my morning coffee.
Anyway, a couple of weeks later, I am laying there during the procedure, which I do not like one bit. One bit, I tell you! My wife is kind enough to stay in the room with me, holding my hand, being a good sport. I like to think it was for the moral support, but she claims she wanted to make sure I actually went through with it.
So after several minutes of teeth gnashing and hand clenching, just as I relax a bit and the pain seems to subside for a second, my wife wriggles her hand out from my grasp, to give her crushed knuckles a rest. She is worried about me, seeing how much discomfort I am in, so she tries her best to console me. She looks over the screen (she's tougher than me), turns back, looks me square in the eye, and tells me the doctor's "almost done".
Every eye in the room swivels to look at her. Me. The Doctor, the nurse. Not a sound for at least 5 long seconds. Finally, I say, my gaze never wavering from her confused look:
"Did you skip orientation? You know, he has to do both sides, right?"
Maybe that's why I drink.
*******************
Just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I had no idea what to expect. Damn, this had a bite! It was very, very sweet, but damn strong. It looked like liquid cinnamon, with some calm bubbles floating around, peacefully minding their own business. Next thing I knew, this had snuck up on me and turned everything upside down.
The flavors go together really well. The orange is the least prominent flavor, but creeping around the edges like the Cheshire Cat, and quickly the coffee and tequila get right to work on your mouth, exploding to the back, and then expanding in a big way. A technicolor flavor bomb if ever there was one. And my lips were sticky afterwards, although I'm not sure what that means.
I couldn't decide if I actually liked this drink or not, but it certainly was distinctive. It was definitely one of the oddest drinks I have made so far. Enjoy with a clear head. At least to start. After one, you're head won't be so clear.
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February 6, 2011
#37: Algonquin
1 oz Dry Vermouth
1 oz Pineapple Juice
Combine ingredients in a mixing glass filled with ice, shake, and strain into a chilled glass
My grandson just turned 1 last month, and it's fun to watch him grow up. I am looking forward to when his old enough to go to baseball games and other fun stuff with his Grandpa. But what I am secretly looking forward to is convincing him about weird things, wrong things, things about the world around him that make no sense. He'll reach that age, I'm not sure exactly when, where he will be filled with wonder about the world around him, and just as full of questions about that world. That's when I'll step in. I can teach him all sorts of oddball stuff that will totally drive his parents crazy.
Maybe one day while we are driving somewhere, and he'll wonder about the chainlink fences by the side of the road. I'll convince him that they grow on hill sides, and that they are tended by special gardeners.
Or that the White House lawn is mowed by special helicopters flying upside down.
When I was acting up, my Grandmother would wonder out loud what she was going to do with me. Her answer to herself was always "give you back to the Indians." I figure that's worth a few years of therapy.
I could convince him that thunder and lightning are Odin and Thor, the old Norse gods, making a bunch of noise in the sky. But he can only tell people that when they start talking about ghosts, since it makes just as much sense, plus Odin and Thor protect little children from ghosts.
The wind is caused by all of the trees sneezing.
Babies are assembled from special kits you buy at Target. His might have been missing the instruction manual when we brought it home.
A classic from my mother was when we asked what was for dinner, of course for the 100th time, and she would answer "garbage". An naturally, she amde a dish she call "garbage", which was basically all of the leftovers thrown together. I could totally sell him that we are going to eat out of the garbage can for dinner. Maybe he'll buy that living like a hobo builds character.
At least I have a few years to come up with some other good ones. Suggestions welcome, please. Therapists around the country need your support!
**************
First off, it sounds like Dorothy Parker is going to join us today for a few quips and barbs slung at the unfortunate few who do not sit at our table. This drink sounds literary, cosmopolitan, and in the know.
It's actually bitter, opinionated, dry, and odd. Just like the great Dorothy Parker herself, it tells you what it thinks of you, then kicks your butt in a subtle way, leaving you feeling ashamed that you can't keep up. I felt like I should have enjoyed this, but I didn't. And now that I've tasted it, I feel as if I meet her 3 requirements for men: handsome, ruthless, and stupid. Stupid for thinking I was going to like this drink. The pineapple juice mixed with the dry vermouth made for an oddly bitter drink, with some white wine sweetness, but overwhelmingly dry on the palate.
Vermouth is a fortified wine flavored with herbs and spices. Some varieties are sweetened, and others are dry, which tend to be bitter. Honestly this is the largest amount of vermouth I have ever encountered in a drink, as it is usually used as an agent in mixed drinks to reduce the alcohol by volume and provide an herbal flavor.
To be honest, this drink didn't even smell good. I can't even imagine a food that it would with, and wouldn't want to eat whatever we could come up with. It seems like a waste of good whiskey. If you want to get smashed that quickly, just stick to the whiskey.
I'll leave you with a quote from Dorothy Parker that seems appropriate.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
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February 5, 2011
#36: Alexander's Sister
1 oz Green Creme de Menthe
In a serving glass filled with ice, combine ingredients, fill with milk or cream, and shake
I don't know what Alexander's sister did to merit her own drink, but maybe she pureed a Girl Scout and poured her into a glass. That's about what we have here. By subbing in Green Creme de Menthe to an Alexander, we get a creamy Thin Mint in a glass. Is this for girls? Do they all like mint more than men?
This drink is basically melted mint chip ice cream with gin in it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't see the need for it unless it is St. Patrick's Day. If we added a touch of something chocolate, we'd be set. Otherwise, move on and knock at someone else's door.
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February 4, 2011
#35: Alexander the Great
1/2 oz Dark Creme de Cacao
2 oz milk or cream
Shake in a mixing glass filled with ice, strain into a chilled glass
Charlie Sheen enters rehab. Why is this even a headline? It should be on the sports page, like a box score in baseball. You could wager on how long he stays in this time.
When his father, Martin Sheen, was filming Apocalypse Now, he had a scene where he is supposed to be having a mental breakdown. In reality, Sheen the Elder had gone on a multi-day drinking binge, and really was starting to have a break from reality during filming. Which answers a few questions right up front. Namely, you don't win Oscars for method acting, I guess. Second, everyone on that film set really had gone crazy, but maybe that was done just to make Marlon Brando feel at home.
So here's my proposal to all of us, including the media. Ignore him, and maybe he'll go away, or at least stay in rehab until we forget about him. Back off on the guy, let him live his own life, and we can get back to wondering how Lindsay Lohan is doing. As miserable as his life is, and I honestly don't think it's all that miserable. I mean, sure, he almost ODs just about once a month like clockwork, but what the hell. Like I said, he's rolling in cash. He could be depressed that he can't spend it fast enough on the hookers anymore. Age does bring its limits, you know, and generic Viagra is right around the corner, so there's another source of revenue spending that's drying up.
His show has such high ratings that CBS, a network so powerful they can keep giving Chuck Lorre shows to fill time slots willy-nilly, is scrambling to try and figure out what to do while he is in rehab this time. Not many companies do that for an employee like him. If I pulled a stunt like calling in sick to work with the lame excuse that I had trashed a hotel room and had gone temporarily blind from massive amounts of alcohol and cocaine, I don't think my boss would be so understanding. I would probably have to enter a facility as well, but most likely a different kind of facility than good old Charlie.
And when he does get back on the set, what the hell does he have to do? I've seen that show, and he really doesn't bring much to the table. He walks around in shorts, makes some lame "jokes" with a deadpan smirk that just reeks of dollar signs in the eyes, and heads out at 2 for drinks and doing blow off hooker's butts.
********************
Well this was a totally different taste, as expected. Although to be honest, sometimes I don't know what to expect when I make a drink for the first time. This had a much richer flavor from the brandy and the Dark Creme de Cacao, which combined for a deep, smooth, rich, mellow flavor. Just what I needed after a long day at work. I guess I need this every day.
I was not sure what Greek Brandy was, other then brandy from Greece. At first I thought it might be Metaxa, but that is a greek brandy mixed with wine, so I was pretty sure that wouldn't work. Surmising that a Greek Brandy would just be a more expensive brandy, like a Cognac, I decided to use regular brandy. No need to go there, as the wallet won't support that.
The "great" version had a slightly darker color, and tasted much stronger then the standard Alexander. Maybe that's what makes it "great". I decided to look ahead to the Brandy Alexander, which is one of the IBA standard drinks. Basically this has 1 oz less of the milk or cream and no nutmeg. I could definitely taste the alcohol, especially the brandy. Almost too much. I could also feel it hit my head pretty quickly, but then I got a warm feeling all over and didn't care anymore.
I'm not sure what the point of this drink is. I would just wait until I get to the standard, the Brandy Alexander. It won't hit you over the head, although if you are lactose intolerant, maybe this one is better for you, and those around you.
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February 3, 2011
#34: Alexander
1 oz White or Dark Creme de Cacao
In a serving glass filled with ice, pour ingredients, then fill with milk or cream, then shake.
I read a story a few weeks ago about a religious teacher who had his students go in to various establishments and ask for things that they didn't or wouldn't have. Like going to a bookstore and asking for frozen yogurt. Supposedly it was to teach them humility and to break down the barriers of ego that we all hold. They had to learn to let go of what they thought about how others saw them.
As I pondered this, I saw opportunities to do just that the next time I go to the supermarket. Here's a short list of some items it would be fun to put on the conveyor belt at the grocery store. Just 3 items each time, and keep telling myself "I don't care what people think".
Box of condoms, suckers, My Little Pony
Box of cheap wine, Ex-Lax, water balloons
Vodka, matches, a pair of sunglasses
Dulcolax, a mirror, turkey baster
A jar of mayonnaise, a stopwatch, and a Bible
Olive oil, honey, and zucchini
Midol, a knife, a bottle of rum
Tabasco, a bag of ice, an enema
Rubber gloves, bleach, a tarp
See what you can come up with!
********************
Well, we have bit of a dilemma today. After much research on the web (30 minutes, I'm not insane), it appears that the recipe in the book may in fact be wrong. The ingredients and amounts are right, but this appears to be the only instance of the drink that I can find where it is not being strained into a cocktail glass. The earliest reference for this drink dates back to 1915, and that recipe calls for it to be strained as well. So what to do? Make 2! A little background first.
Although the Alexander is not on the list of official IBA cocktails, the Brandy Alexander is, as well as another offspring, the White Russian. The Alexander predates all of them, dating from about 1915, and is said to be named after Czar Alexander II of Russia. During the 19th century, he was considered one of the most progressive leaders in Europe at the time, emancipating the Russian peasants from serfdom, reorganizing the military to include universal conscription from all wealth levels, and instituting and new penal code and simplified civil and criminal systems. All that kind of change led to the inevitable assassination, of course. So, early in the 20th century someone decided to name a drink after the Czar. Seems like it would have been nice if that had happened while he was still alive, but oh well, I can only hope to live on in posterity through having a drink named after me.
I made the drink according to The Good Book, just to see what would happen. It was a very tasty drink, a great sipping drink. It had a strong flavor from the gin and Creme de Cacao, but mellow with little bite. It slid on the tongue nicely and was a pleasure to drink. But the nagging fact that I knew this was made incorrectly seemed to detract from the experience.
So, I made it again, same ingredients, but this time everything was shaken in a mixer filled with ice cubes, then strained into a cocktail glass. Of course in all this I forgot to garnish with a touch of nutmeg. You would think I was trying to be an air traffic controller, but even just trying to keep all this straight was taxing to my addled brain.
Now that we seem to have the traditional method for this drink established, I noticed that the use of Dark Creme de Cacao had crept into the recipe from The Good Book, but that seems to have not been added to an Alexander until the Brandy Alexander came along in the 1920s. Since there will never be total consensus on any drink, I'll live with this.
The revised (for me) version was even better, with no ice cubes banging me in the nose. In the cocktail glass it was easier to sip, and it seemed creamier and richer.
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February 2, 2011
#33: Albatross (frozen)
1 oz Gin or Lime Gin
1 oz Melon Liquer
1 Egg White
1 oz sweetened lime juice
Combine in blender, blend until smooth
The albatross is a large winged seabird. I wish this one had flown away. It can also be a metaphor for a wearisome burden. That seems right too. The only thing that really matches the name is the color: white.
This actually didn't sound so bad. A nice melon/citrus frozen drink. I could not have been more wrong. This has to have been one of the worst drinks I have ever had the bad luck of tasting. It is definitely the worst drink in the journey so far, and the only one to date that I was not able to finish. In fact the first sip of this was almost undrinkable. The taste was just horrible. It was the opposite of how I like my women: bitter and thick. Just plain disgusting, with a melon taste that will stay with me for quite awhile. In my nightmares.
I looked over the recipe again, just to make sure I hadn't missed anything vital. Quickly I saw what may be the culprit. I believe that the lime juice I used was unsweetened, even though it does not actually say that on the bottle. On further inspection, I noticed that the bottle had a small graphic in the corner that claimed it was "double strength." That may explain why it had a recipe on the back for Key Lime Pie as well.
Assuming that what was needed to remedy this atrocity was some sweetening, I dumped a packet of artificial sweetener into the frozen mess, and stirred vigorously. The alcohol in the drink keeps the ice from melting very quickly, so it definitely took some stirring to get the sugar mixed in. Finally I decided to have another try.
Not nearly as bad. Not anywhere near what I would like in a drink, but at least I could choke down a large sip. I know that's not a ringing endorsement. It's not meant to be. Looking at the recipe, I can see where this drink was headed when it was dreamt up, but this combination of flavors just does not work.
Order this when you want to stop drinking, because you won't want another.
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February 1, 2011
#32: Alaskan Iced Tea
1/2 oz Gin
1/2 Rum
2 oz Blue Curacao
2 oz Sour Mix
In a tall glass filled with ice, combine ingredients and fill with lemon-lime soda. Garnish with lemon.
We all know the motto of the Post Office, right? well, I thought I did too. Rain, sleet, snow, dark of night, all that stuff. Here it is in full:
"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds,"
Except that the USPS has no official oath, or slogan. That quote is from Herodotus, a Greek historian from 2500 years ago. Back in 1896 when the New York General Post Office was being designed, the architectural firm decided to inscribe that old saying on the building, and everybody has associated it with US postal carriers.
Really, it seems like this, a catchy ditty that isn't really their motto, would be easy to get around. OK, they have to go out in the snow. Hell, kids play in it, so how bad can that be? They have to go out in the rain. Oh no, the wet! Ask anybody from Portland what all the fuss is about on that. Those people can't even walk outside without their heads down, or all their glasses immediately get splattered, so the entire city has a permanent hunch. Heat, no biggie either. I seriously doubt it's going to get too hot to even walk outside, unless Al Gore was only partly right. Someday Phoenix might be considered a healthy place to live, but until the sky actually turns green from the greenhouse emmissions, it's still not going to kill you. And finally, gloom of night. Yeah, I can't remember the last time I saw a letter carrier delivering after 5 either.
No wonder the Post Office didn't make this an oath, or anything official. Once you look at it, lots of us do jobs under tougher conditions every day. But, they do have to take a real oath, something far more serious, and potentially demanding.
Under federal law, Postal Service employees must subscribe to the following oath or affirmation:
“I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter.”
Now that sounds much more serious. But what are the consequences here? Has anybody thought this out? I'm not sure if I want my postal carrier being the last line of defense against "all enemies, foreign and domestic." What are they going to do when the terrorists try to blow up a building, slow him down with stacks of letters? Swing that big heavy bag at them? Bury them under junk mail? Maybe that's why the terrorists feel they have to train so hard in the deserts of Afghanistan. They just know they're going to have to go up against a postal worker at some point, and dammit, that postal worker is going to defend his or her country with everything they've got. Unless it's raining, or snowy. Hopefully we aren't attacked at night…
***********************
This seems like a bit of a novelty drink with a clever title. I didn't get why it got this name until I made it, and you can see that the ice floating in the blue really does evoke the glacier bays of Alaska.
I don't believe we've used Gin yet, so I did a little research. Gin is a spirit flavored with juniper berries. There are 2 categories of Gin: Distilled, which uses the traditional method of re-distilling neutral sprits with juniper berries, and Compound, which just flavors the neutral spirits without re-distilling. Most Gin sold in the US is distilled.
In addition, there are different styles of gin, the most common being London dry gin, which is a distilled type, and has accents of citrus such as lemon and bitter orange peel, plus some other spices. There are some legal classifications and regulations pertaining to naming where a gin is from. Looking deeper, we find that London dry gin may not contain any added sugar or colorants, only water. Other types of gin may have the ingredients, that just happens to be the most common type we find in the store here in the US, although there are lots of other types to try if you want some variety. And I do mean lots.
But back to the Alaskan Iced Tea. It is a light drink, with the sweetness of the Blue Curacao and the Lemon-Lime soda tamping down the bite of the alcohol. Actually the Gin didn't really have a bite, and Rum was pretty sweet too, so you end up with an overly sweet drink. Too sweet for me. I would like a bit more of a bite from the alcohol, at the expense of the "look" by cutting back the Blue Curacao to 1 oz.
One other note. This drink really needs to be mixed or stirred well. If you don't, the Blue Curacao starts to separate to the bottom of the glass. Actually this gives a really cool effect, by making the drink a darker blue going down the glass. But the Gin and Rum are also heavier than the soda, so they get lost quickly, and you end up drinking almost all the soda before you get to any liquor. Stir it up with a long spoon, and you get a much better flavor, and it still looks really nice.
Order this on a cruise off the glaciers, or when you are worn out from swatting mosquitoes away all day long.
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